The Mayor Takes Action at Home

Why is this home-remaking an important part of the grief process for me? I am a homebody who was married to a homebody. I am not one who wants to stagnate in and repeat good times: those precious times can never be repeated. I want to savor the wonderful gifts of time and memory and know that extraordinary gifts graced my life for a short time. To be a whole person for my children and others, I have to be a part of the re-creating of a new journey...so

As I wrote in the previous post where I listed some good resource references, I took action on re-creating homemaking after about two years.  

1. I had completed the categorizing, rearranging, and purging (yes, the acronym is on purpose). Well, maybe completed for the time being - categorizing, rearranging, and purging need continually to be addressed.

2. Our shared home had been cozy, welcoming, electic, and nature-inspired. I just wanted to add more feminine touches that reflect more of my personality. For the most part, I wanted to keep the artwork, furniture, and vintage/antique collections. Again, I needed to add a more feminine touch without being glamorous, sumptious, and pastel. I appreciated comfortable, peaceful, natural, sturdy, all with a touch of serendipity: those words could describe me, too.

My mother's pillow was always in her chair at her home.
My daughter's cat is now always in my chair with that pillow.

3. From all my design clippings, notebooks, Feng Shui books, and Pinterest boards, I knew that what I wanted was already there in the house. Paint, DIY sewing, rearranging new vignettes, and rotating furniture and artwork locations were all I needed for me to be happy, busy, and creative. This plan would mean that house integrity was more important. The priority repair list became the following: water heater; exterior pressure-washing and painting; under-the-house moisture control; replacement of the rotted front door frame; repair of storm-damaged roof, gutters, and porch; removal of storm-damaged and fallen trees. Financial recovery and treasured plans of continued travel with my daughters would mean nothing but DIY for the interior for a long time. That was my practical choice, and I resolved to be happy with the decision. 

The tea set was from Horchow in the 1970s. Fabric boxes hold my sewing supplies.
The glass table allows for sew "overflow" and, when padded, as a cutting board.
The watercolor is by Sa Smith, the wife of my children's doctor when they were young.

4. As you know, showcase photos can cause much confusion (and even more frustration if you are on a tight budget). I thought about what room would be my dream room. That room would be my office, created from a small bedroom by my husband as a surprise while I was out-of-town for a weeklong training conference. He did a great job on the room and remembering all the items I had selected or daydreamed of having!

What makes it my favorite room and a perfect reflection of me?

• Provides sanctuary for reading, writing, and study
• Houses my smaller treasures from travel
• Includes antiques and vintage treasures from family
• Overlooks the beautiful back garden.

Optional Advantages:

• Located in "Fame and Reputation" of the Bagua Map (rear middle of house)
• Represents "fire"..me, a fire sign. (also receives the most sun of all the house).

Provides sanctuary for reading, writing, and study

Includes antiques and vintage treasures from family

Houses my smaller treasures from travels

Overlooks the back garden and has the most sun of any room

In the next post, I will share how I took my dream room to help guide my vision for the rest of my home.

Making a Grieving House a Home Again

I have been living in this house for twenty years making it a home with my husband of close to thirty-nine years. We had been friends since high school, making that bond one of forty-five years. Although our personalities were quite different (he an ENTJ, me an INFJ), we shared the same strong family values and respect for predecessors, family, friends, and events making us who we were. Therefore, words to describe our house(s) would be cozy, welcoming, eclectic, and above all, nature-inspired - a combination of heirlooms, vintage finds, modern and traditional art, traditional furniture, and collections reflecting our personalities. We truly had a shared space; however, to tell the truth, these combinations sometimes seemed frustrating compared to new showcase houses. I loved my home but sometimes the decor mixture made its aging into its own mid-life and in need of repair and updating both expensive and confusing issues.

Almost two years ago, I lost my husband suddenly. That time seems like yesterday, but so much family living has gone on, in both grief and chaos. The great good is that he was a great man with preparations for the future. And one of those preparations was his lifelong encouragement for me to grow independent and brave - some vital lessons left out of my 1950s and 1960s upbringing. So now, here I stand independent and brave trying to figure out how to make a grieving house a home again.

I am still very confused about how that can be done on each individual's personal level, but as an INFJ more goes on in the inside of me than the outside. Researching and more researching, meditating and more meditating, are not problems for me. Action is.

Where do I begin for the most cost-effective approach since I am a DIY kind of girl? My strength: I taught high school English, so I know how to research. This type of research would definitely not be academic, so I went to everybody's favorite visual journeling - Pinterest. This process took awhile as you can see from my Pinterest boards, but again I know that researching takes much reading, generalizing, categorizing, rearranging, purging, and focus to come to the point of discovery. Finally all came together for me.


I discovered Beth of Home Stories A to Z. She had put together a series with several guest decorators and bloggers called "How to Decorate for the DIYer". In the next post I will show what helped me to take action at home.